


It's Hard to be Strong

by MGirl113



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken Louis, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brotherly Love, Cancer, Character Death, Crying, Crying Louis, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Fear, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Hurt, Hurt Louis, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Little Sisters, Louis-centric, Major Character Undeath, Major Illness, Men Crying, Mother-Son Relationship, Panic, Real Life, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MGirl113/pseuds/MGirl113
Summary: I had a dream about Jay last night, inspiration for this story. Lots of angst. Very sad. I cried while writing it. We miss you, Jay. Love you forever.





	It's Hard to be Strong

"That's so stupid! I can't _believe_ her."

"Right?" Louis laughed, rolling his eyes playfully. "It's so ridiculous. And so then I was like: I don't give a flying _fuck_ about our-"

_**BRING! BRING!** _

Louis stopped, feeling the vibrations from his pocket. He blushed awkwardly. "Em, sorry. Hehe. I...Hold on." He picked up the screen to see who was calling. It was his sister.

Louis smiled. He accepted the call, bringing it to his face. "Hello, Love! How are you?" He greeted, cheerfully.

He heard whimpered from the other line. His face dropped.

"Lottie?" He asked, concerned. "Lottie is everything alright? Why are you crying? Are you okay?"

"L-Louis," she sniffed. "W-Where are you?"

"Em..at home. Why? What's going on?"

She didn't reply. All Louis heard were sobs from the other line. Now he was really worried.

"Lottie! Are you still there? Please! You're _scaring_ me, Love!

"Yeah...Yeah. Louis please get here! We can't do this _alone!_ "

Louis stood up abruptly. "Do _what?_ Lottie what's going on? Where _are_ you?"

"I-In the hospital. L-Lou, please get here. Please!" She cried. "I, I..."

His face paled. "Hospital!? Why are you in the _hospital!?_ Are you hurt? What about the girls? Are they alright?"

"Y-Yes, Louis. They're fine, but-"

"Where's Mum?" He heard her sob from the other line. "Charlotte! _Where_ is Mum!? Let me talk to her!"

"I-I can't!"

"What? _Why!?_ Where is she? Why isn't she with you!?"

"Louis..."Lottie whispered. "It's Mum. She...She's-"

"What? What is it!?" Louis screamed into the phone, pacing. "CHARLOTTE TOMLINSON. TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON _RIGHT_ NOW. Is Mum okay!?"

"Mum's...dying. She's _dying_ , Louis."

Louis choked. He didn't say a word.

Lottie wept from the other line. He felt tears threatening to spill. He blinked furiously. He couldn't cry. He had to stay strong.

"Lottie. Which hospital are you at?" Louis asked, his voice wavering. He tried not to let it show.

"D-Down 2nd. Louis, _please_ hurry-"

 _Click_.

He hung up, letting the phone drop to the floor with a crack. He didn't even care if it was broken.

  
Louis bolted as fast as he could to his car. Probably broke a thousand traffic laws. Who cared. He needed to get there.

"Charlotte!" He exclaimed, bursting into the waiting room. He saw his little sisters crowded around her, tears running down their eyes and whimpering.

Lottie looked up. She ran to him, embracing him in a tight hug. "Louis! T-Thank God you're here! The girls are so u-upset. I can't do this alone. I just can't," she cried.

Louis' heart sunk for his oldest sister. He comfortingly stroked her hair. "It's okay, Darling. You're doing the best you can. I'm here now," he said, holding back tears. He blinked them away. He couldn't cry. He had to be strong.

"Lottie," he looked her straight in the eyes. "Where is she?"

Lottie sniffed. With a shaking finger, she pointed to room _218_.

He ran as fast as he could, leaving his sisters in a confused daze.

"Louis, _WAIT_ -"

He threw the door open. There she was. His beautiful mother. Lying on a hospital bed.

 _"MUM!"_ He screamed, running to her.

She smiled. "Louis," she whispered. Her eyes were tired, but kind.

"Mum, what's going _on!?"_ He asked, worried like hell. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

Her eyes faltered. She frowned. "Oh, BooBear. I-I just wanted to spend some time with my son..." She took a shaky breath. "...Without my health having to be an issue. I'm so sorry."

Tears threatened to spill once again. "Pease don't go. I _need_ you. I-I could've _helped_."

"Baby, there's nothing you could have done..." She whispered. "It was a long time coming."

He sniffed, but didn't cry. It was hard, though. It was getting harder to stay strong. "But _Mum_ , I-"

He stopped, feeling a hand take hold of his. Louis looked up, seeing her smile.

"It's okay to cry, Louis. You don't have to be strong _all_ the time," she smiled, knowing his pain. She weakly squeezed his hand is comfort. "It's okay to let go."

He whimpered, his bottom lip trembling like mad. He bit down, looking straight into Johanna's eyes, when it dawned on him.

_I might never see her again. These could be our last moments._

_She'll never get to see the girls grow up..._

_Never get to see Lottie get engaged..._

_Never see Fizzy graduate..._

_Never see Phoebe and Daisy's first day of high school..._

_Never see Ernest and Doris laugh ever again..._

_She'll never see me get married..._

Louis finally let himself cry. He sobbed and sobbed, wetting her hospital gown. Tears, and tears. They never stopped.

Johanna frowned. A tear ran down her face as she stroked his hair out of his eyes. She sighed. Her beautiful boy.

After a long crying session, he sat there, his head resting on her chest as it slowly rose and fell. He stared at her with red, puffy eyes, but was too gutted to say anything.

Jay grinned sadly. "I'm so proud of you, Louis."

Louis sniffed. "Thank you. Y-You don't know how much that means to me, Mum. I j-just..."

She cupped his fingers in her cold palms. "It's okay. I understand, Lou. I..." she trailed off.

Louis gasped, seeing her eyelids flutter. They almost closed, Jay wincing, taking in shallow breaths.

"Mum! No, please!" He shook her shoulder. "Stay with me! You can't go! Not yet. It's-It's too soon!"

Johanna looked at him solemnly. "I-I'm sorry, baby. But it's time."

He shook his head. "No! It can't be! You've got to push through, Mum!"

"I _can't_ ," she whispered, painfully. "But I know _you_ can,"she looked to him with hopeful eyes. "I know you're strong enough to. You have to stay _strong_."

He let out a sob. "W-What am I supposed to do _without_ you, Mum?" He whispered.

"Just Hold On, Louis," she whispered. "Just hold on, baby. I know you c-can. I _know_..."  
Her lids fluttered closed. She released a breath, knowing it would be her last. An expression of peace settled upon her face.

  
Louis' heart stopped. His face paled. Eyes widened. "Mum? Mum! Wake up!"

The heart monitor shrieked as is displayed a thin, red line.

"No," he shook his head back and forth. "No, no, no, no, no, _no!"_

The grip on his hand loosened, and her wrist fell limp to her side. Her fingers were cold.

"MUM! OH MY GOD! _NO!_ YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!"

Nurses rushed in, frantically writing on clipboards. "We're losing her!"

"MUM! NO! GET _AWAY_ FROM HER! DON'T TOUCH HER!"

"Sir! We can't operate with you in the room! _Please_ leave!" The doctor commanded, referring to the way Louis clung to the hospital sheets with full force.

"NO! I'M NOT _LEAVING_ HER! SHE CAN'T BE GONE! SHE JUST CAN'T!"

Lottie bursted into the room in panic. She saw her brother clinging to the bed with unwavering intention. She ran to him, trying to pry him off and away.

"Louis! Come _on!_ They can't-"

"LET ME _GO_ , LOTTIE! I HAVE TO STAY! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE! I CAN'T LEAVE!"

"For God's _sake_ , Louis! JUST LET _GO!"_

Louis stoped fighting for a moment and gasped. _Let go?_

"I...I," he whispered, eyes glazing over.

Lottie took his moment of distraction as a chance to pry him away from the doctor's room, dragging him away from Johanna. He kicked and screamed like an unsatisfied child.

"LOTTIE, STOP! LET ME GO! GET OFF! I WON'T LEAVE HER LIKE THIS! I CAN'T! PLEASE! MUM! MUM!" Louis thrashed and cried.

Once they entered the living room is when Louis really crumbled. He fell to his knees, crying and choking of tears. He didn't care how many people stared at him. He just sobbed, and wept.

She was gone. His mother was gone.

Soon enough, his cries died down to only soft whimpers. He shook in his sister's arms. At least she was still there to comfort him.

"Louis?" Lottie asked, tears trickling down her cheeks. She hated to see her older brother like this. "Are you alright?"

"N-No," he croaked, his eyes dry. "And...And I don't think I ever _will_ be. Lottie. She's _gone_. She-She's-" He fought the urge to cry once again. "I'm sorry, Lottie. I'm so, _so_ sorry."

Lottie stared at him in confusion. "Sorry? Why _ever_ should you be sorry?"

"I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to be your _rock_ ," he sighed. "And I  _can't!_ I'm so weak. S-So _broken_ that I can't even stop _myself_ from crying. Mum wanted me to stay strong, and I've already failed. I've _failed_ her! I can't be strong..."

Lottie frowned. "Oh, Louis. It's not your job to be our rock. You need support, too. You can't take full responsibility for this, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know..."

"God, what are we going to tell the girls?" He worried. How would they take it?

"It'll be alright, Louis. Everything's going to be alright. We'll figure it out."

Louis nodded silently. Lottie tilted her head. "Something wrong? What are you thinking about?"

He sighed. "I...I miss her already..."

Lottie let out a tremoring sigh. "I-Its okay, Lou. I know she misses you as much as you do."

She lifted a finger under his chin, raising his face to eye level. "You know what she'd say?"

Louis sniffed. "What?"

"She'd say: It's going to be okay, Lou. I know you can make it. Be strong."

Louis nodded.

He was going to stay strong. For his sisters. For his step-father. For himself.

For Johanna.


End file.
